No One :: Alicia Keys

so, this song goes out to me. i've recently felt really in love with myself. not in that self-absorbed, narcissistic way. but more of that, 'wow. i really like who i am and where i've come from, and who i've become, and who i'm growing into' sort of way. i'm really happy everyone! i really didn't think i'd be able to come out of that space where i walked around feeling hallow and like my heart was so heavy it sunk to my feet.

today has not been like this however. today rocked. for a few reasons: the apt hunt is going smoothly and i think me and my new roommate are gonna find a sweet home soon; i got a good review from my prof. on my book review that i wrote; i pondered a friends revelation that relationships are a lot of work and sometimes it's more than it's worth to stay in them; i wrote a sweet proposal for a paper that i'm presenting at a conference in february (that is a chapter of my thesis)...the list goes on. i had a great day today. but mostly because i was pondering a lot about what my friend was saying about relationships and why they end and how we deal, and i realized something...a couple of things.

first: relationships do take a lot of work and sometimes it can be easy to get caught up in doing the work to keep the relationship afloat so that you forget what it is that you're actually working for. i did this w/the lady. it's not that i didn't love her or anything like that...but i worked really hard to make our relationship work. we both did. it became a lot of work to keep us connected, to keep us close. it was super easy to romanticize how great the relationship was from afar because when we did get to see each other, it was usually good b/c of the anticipation that came with the month in between each visit. this sort of situation can be misleading. it can make you loose focus and sight and, more importantly, yourself - what's best for you, your partner, the relationship, etc. i did this. i put my partner and my relationship ahead of what was best for me and in doing so, i damaged it all...myself, the relationship, my partner. in order for a relationship to be healthy, all parties need to do what is best for each other, themselves, and their relationship. this is hard to do...it's a balancing act. there are times where you have to give more to one than the other, where you have to take less...but at the end of the day, if you can't stand firmly on your own two feet and feel ok where you're at, something is wrong. which leads me to my next point...

second: you gotta love yourself. seems pretty basic, i know...but it's true. if you can love yourself, you can't lose yourself. this is what i've learned. i've really been diggin on myself lately. throughout this entire grieving process of breaking up, i feel like i've done relatively well (it helps to have friends saying i'm doing well too...). i was a wreck when it first happened...i didn't know what to do with myself.
but now, after a lot of processing and talking and distracting myself from time to time with other things...i think i really like who i am now a lot better than who i was when i was in a relationship. i stopped doing things that made me happy, i stopped thinking about what it was that i wanted, and did things that were good for the lady and our relationship...i would freak out if things were going poorly for our relationship...now that i think about it, i spent a lot of time being paranoid that something would put our relationship in jeopardy...i stopped caring about myself in the way that would have been able to give me the self-confidence and security necessary to be stable in a relationship. i don't want to lose sight of this new-found clarity that i've happened upon.

so, i am taking this song and dedicating it to myself. for those of you who are more visual, picture me singing this song into the mirror. i am singing it to myself....as a reminder to stay true to myself, to not lose sight of who i am and all that i've been through, how far i've come, to become the person i am today...

this post is ungodly long, but i just had to!!! here you go:

no one::alicia keys

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights

I don't worry cause
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything's gonna be alright

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I'm telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
Oh oh oh...

sidenote: youtube is hilarious and you can find people singing to themselves too! this guy is actually pretty good...i liked it.


or you can find sweet little munchkins like this one...she makes me want babies bad one day.